I Talk to Myself and Other Weird Things I Do

When we are alone with ourselves, we are free and uninhibited. We are not worried about social graces, pleasing anyone, or living up to any expectations. When we are alone, we can be our truest selves.

I started noticing things I do when I’m alone that I would never do in the company of others. They might think I’m weird. I’m not talking about the insanely human things like picking my nose, passing flatulence (cute for farting), or trying to see if I can cross my eyes or touch my nose with my tongue. Those are weird, but that’s not the weird I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about the weird things I do that actually have meaning in my life. I thought I’d share a few of them with you, tell you what I believe is behind these oddities, and how they benefit me. Then I want you to think about your strange thoughts or behaviors. We can be weirdos together! 

Weird Things I Do in Private: 

#1 – I talk to myself. I mean a lot. Out loud.

Self-talk is not a surprise, I’m sure. We all talk to ourselves. It’s the conversations I hold with myself. Thankfully, I don’t struggle with negative self-talk. It’s usually affirming, encouraging, or instructive self-talk. And here’s the weirder part. I also answer myself.

There is the intellectual, practical Tonya, who leads from my/her ego. Everything must make sense and be experienced by the senses. Factual. Observable. Practical. Socially Acceptable. Then there is the spiritual Tonya. That’s the part of me who could care less about what society deems as appropriate or who I’m pleasing or not pleasing. That Tonya follows the heart, even when it doesn’t make sense. Spirit Tonya is intuitive, thinks from a Higher Source, and is most likely to be spontaneous and go with the flow. 

As you can imagine, those two versions of myself have interesting conversations. When I’m facing a dilemma, both come out to play. It’s actually beneficial to say out loud what I’m thinking and to listen to both versions of myself. And because Spirit Tonya is quieter than my egoic self, I spend quiet time to really hear what is coming from deep within. And honestly, that’s the voice that I’m learning to trust most. Spirit Tonya is true, peaceful, not operating from fear or arrogance. That’s the voice that I’m cultivating to hear more from and for it to become louder.

#2 – I talk to animals and nature too.

My dog Marley and I have conversations daily. It’s not just the normal, “Do you have to go potty?” “Are you hungry?” or “Why did you destroy your toy?” conversations. It’s conversations like, “How are you feeling today, Mar Mar?” “I’m sad today, Marley” or “Guess what happened at work today, Marley?” Marley is my constant companion, and if I need someone to share something with in the moment, he’s the closest one to me. It’s not lost on me that without Marley, some days could feel quite lonely.

But that’s not all. When I take Marley for a walk, and I see a breathtaking flower, I may say to the flower, “you’re beautiful.” There is a pine tree in my neighborhood. I’ve named him Mr. Pine. Marley always seems to want to stop in that same location, so I’ve been getting to know Mr. Pine for almost seven years. I started to notice how tall it stands, the symmetry, the strength of its roots, and its evergreen nature. There are other trees all around it, some deciduous and others evergreen. But there’s room for them all, and one’s beauty adds to the beauty of the other.

There are lessons in that for me when I observe Mr. Pine. Lessons to be who I am, to embrace diversity, to contribute to the beauty of others by being my authentic self, to not waste time comparing myself to others, to staying power, consistency, and to living purposefully.

Both Marley and Mr. Pine teach me that we are all connected – us humans, other living things, and nature itself. We are all a part of the same ecosystem, and what one does has ramifications for the other. We are here for each other.

#3 – And I talk to dead people.

I don’t see them, but I do talk to them. I talk to my mother, grandmothers, my brother, and friends who have departed. I sometimes ask them strange questions like, “Where are you?” “Why did you have to leave so early?” or I tell them, “I love you and miss you.” I remember the love I experienced with them while they were here, and it gives me hope and faith that I’ll see them again. I remember what they taught me verbally or by how they lived their lives, and I tell them so. Talking to them helps me to feel connected to them – like they’re not so far away. And that fills me with peace and joy. 

#4 – I dance like a wild child.

In public, I’m shy, quiet, and reserved. I’m composed. But at home, when I turn up the music, I’m the wildest thing. I love music, and I love to dance. I’m not a very good dancer, but I do it, and I feel so free. There is no judgment. Just fun. I think to myself, who would I be if I didn’t care what others thought of me. Who would I be if I stopped judging myself. I might be a little wild, awkward, and not in step or on beat with others, but I would feel awesome. I’m working to let more of that side of me come out. I’m learning to catch myself when I find that I’m playing safe or when I’m judging myself unfairly. I call it out, and I make the change. 

#5 – I read along as I listen to Audible.

This might not seem so weird, but I thought I’d share it. I am not a natural reader. It’s a love that I have intentionally cultivated over the years. I’m a slow reader at that. I want to absorb it all. So, if there is a book that I’m really interested in, I buy the book, and I also buy the Audible version of the same book. I read along as the book is being read to me. By doing that, I’m satisfying the visual, auditory, and kinesthetic learning styles. I’m convinced that the book stays with me a lot longer after I’ve finished it when I read in that way. Having the book read to me also takes me back to my youth when my teachers read to me. I loved story time. 

Those are five weird things I do when I’m alone. Do you see yourself in any of them? What are some things you do that others might find strange, but they are meaningful to you? I have a bit of advice, Follow Your Weird.